It's Eerie!

I am too low
And I am afraid
Horror struck
Letting it spread
Slowly yet constantly
Feeling helpless and alone
Just lying here
Watching it decay me
Bit by bit
Allover
Taking over my body
Is there time
For my soul
To be saved!?

I hope!

Where are you my true love?

How many more to go

Before I see you

Do you even exist?

I thought I knew a few.

I tried to find you

In many around me

Bumped into a few close

Some even bent on their knee.

How many more times

Do I have to fall

How much more hurt?

Before you make the call.

From tree houses to the palaces

What could I do!

Put in all I had cause

Each time, I thought it was you.

One came as a notorious youth

And was quite innocent

But after few years 

That road got bent.

Then was full of maturity

And dreamy air

Got lost on the way

Ended the passing affair.

When came the crazy

Exuberant, passionate brat

I thought- this is it.

But it wasn't just that.

And now I am lost

Don't want to look no more!

When you are here

Try knock on the door!!

इस रात का कोई सवेरा नहीं

ये जो घना अँधेरा है
वो ढलता क्यों नहीं
जिसको ज़्यादा चाहो
वो ही मिलता क्यों नहीं

ज़िन्दगी तेज़ रफ़्तार से चल कर
फिर आज राहें हैं थमी
मुस्कुराहटो के समंदर भर कर
लो आ गयी आँख में फिर वो नमी

वही मौसम, वो लम्हा है
क्या तेरी कमी तो नही
नहीं- नहीं अब हमें
तेरी जुस्तजू भी नही

बस अब बहुत हुआ
इस मर्ज़ का कोई इलाज ही नहीं
सपनो भरी ज़िन्दगी जी कर
आज, एक बार फिर, मैं वहीँ की वहीँ

मनु

If you lost her- you deserved it!

First love is a learning
And so you risk too less.
But taking things for granted
Always leaves a big mess.

When your world revolves around it
And nothing else you adore.
There is so much as you can give
And have nothing left no more.

Easy come easy go,
And you don't value what you get,
You may forgive for a lifetime
But there are things you won't forget.

There are reasons on your mind
And you think it's okay, you know!
But soon all realize
You reap what you sow.

Now do what you want
And be what you want to be.
Embrace all your coolness
Cause now you are free.

But remember,

There will be a time
When folks will have their ones
And if you are lucky, you'll realize
What you had done!

So, when noblest of things backfire
Even when you put your heart and soul in it.
Let go.. cause if there was no fear of losing
It probably was not worth it!

May you get what you are really looking for. God bless!

He's a Rockstar!!

Long, soft and curly locks
Bright Ts, torn jeans and converse
You can spot him from afar
He's a rockstar!


They trip on his tunes and never tire
As at the console he's always on fire
Doesn't booze but hangs out at the bar
He's a rockstar!


Head bangs on Dubstep and Psy-Rock
At 24*7, after every party he would stop
Mostly rolls in a silver car
He's a rockstar!


Choosy about what he eats
And dances on a double beat
So much wants to learn the guitar
He's a rockstar!


Mention Morrison or Shpogle and he flips
Sometimes on his own tunes does he trips
Believes in raw-sex, love, peace and no war
He's a rockstar!


Complete wild in appearance at the start
But truly genuine at his heart
Would pick up the girl whose hair has a flower
He's a ROCKSTAR!!

The beginning to another end!

Decades that flew by are now three

With all the flaws in me

"Living in the moment" got some change

Broadening the horizon's range

Adding on vice by vice

Now and then paying the price

Thirteen periods non-haven

Earning the bread now since seven

Some entered and left

For others I am in-debt

Few disappointments, rest all good

Guess I did all that I could

The beginning to another end is here

Time to move up a gear!! 

आखिर क्यों?

एक दलदल सा है
जितना खींचती हू बाहर,
और धास्ती जाती हू |
काफी हैं लोग नज़र में
फिर भी दिल को तन्हा ही पाती हू |
फिर वर्षा हुई,
तबले की थाप के साथ,
पर मैंने तन्हा ही पाया
अपना हाथ |
तुम वहीँ ग़ुम हो
अकांक्षाओ में अपनी !
और मैं हू बस
पुरानी यादों में दफ्नी |
डर है, गुमान है, गुस्सा है,
शिकवा है, दर्द भी है,
किस से करू बयां
अपने रूह के घाव ये ?!
वो कहता है
एक कदम तो बढाओ आगे
बाक़ी सफ़र मैं तै कर दूंगा |
तकदीर फिर आमने सामने ले आई
पर तुमने फिर कर दिया
हर बार की तरह अनदेखा |

All love stories have happy endings but mine...

न आँख में नींद, न मन में चैन
हर रात बस करवट बदलती है,
सुबह उठने की चाह कहाँ
अब मन्नतें रात ही भरती है|

माना झूठ में जीना है फ़िज़ूल
और वो तो खुद को कहा हुआ झूठ है,
पर उस झूठ से कहाँ तक बचना
जिसका ज़िक्र हर साँस करती है|

कल गया, आज आया, कल फिर कल जायेगा
कतरा-कतरा हर पल को जल्दी है,
और ऐसे ही धीरे- धीरे बर्फ, मेरी तरह
अपने ही पानी में खुद ही पिघलती है|

अब न कोई चाह, न मंजिल, न हमसफ़र की तलाश
न ही कोई खुदगर्जी है,
शायद अब मैंने ये बची-खुची ज़िन्दगी भी
उसी के नाम कर दी है!

कुछ सपने दुबारा फिर कभी नहीं दिखते...

बहुत कुछ कहना था
कुछ सवाल भी थे
पर हमेशा की तरह, वक़्त कम था |
घडी भर देखना चाहा
पर नज़रों की उधेड़ बुन लगी रही
और हमेशा की तरह वक़्त कम था |
बहुत कुछ सुनना चाहती थी
कुछ महसूस भी तो करना था
पर कैसे? वक़्त कम था |
एक सदी बाद मिले,
क्या कुछ/कोई बदला था?
शायद तुम? मै?
नहीं! जो बदला था वह "हम" था |
ये सच है,
मैने सबसे ज्यादा तुम्हारी चाहत को चाहा
आज मिलन में वो सच थोडा कम था |
वही तुम, वही मै, कुछ प्यार-सा भी था
बातें भी वही
नहीं था तो शायद वो हमदम था |
हंसी भी थी
पर वो ख़ुशी नहीं
शायद समां ही कुछ नम था |
आज कुछ भी हो
कल क्या होगा
बस यही एक ग़म था |
काश छुपा पाती तुम्हे अपने ही अन्दर
फिर कभी भी कुछ कम न होता | 

What makes a MAN!

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;


If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:


If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;


If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'


If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;


If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son! 

— by Rudyard Kipling

क्या करूँ...!

सुना है उन्हे जन्मो के वादे नहीं पसंद,
मै रेत के किले न बनाऊं तो क्या करूँ!

फिर वही मौसम आया है सर्दी का,
मैं ख्वाबे दिल न जलाऊ तो क्या करूँ!

न कोई आहट, न दस्तक, न कोई सुराग है,
यादों से दिल न बहलाऊ तो क्या करूँ!

बीच राह में छोड़ कर उसने मुड़ के भी न देखा,
हर फ़िक्र को धुए में न उडाऊ तो क्या करूँ!

खुश है वो अपने आप में, मेरे बिना,
मैं अपने आंसू न छुपाऊ तो क्या करूँ!

न कोई गुफ्तगू, न एक मुलाकात मुझसे मंज़ूर है,
इस हुक्म को भी सर-आँखों न लगाऊ तो क्या करूँ!

It is a - 'word'

It is friendship, it is luv,
it can be life; death, anger, lust, hurt
Or can be a feeling, place or a person!

When the baby utters it,
the mother smiles.
It can drag you to court
or shorten up the miles.

It can fetch you marks
add weight to your personality
It can make or mar relationships
It can build or destroy nations

It makes a man-a man
It can brighten up moments,
days, years or even a lifetime
or can break one's heart
and get them in demise.

It can clear up things
making life easier and happier.

A right word- can do wonders!

Happy Teachers Day!!

"भुला नहीं पाई हूँ तुम्हे"

हर दिन के शुरू होने पर,

कुछ न कुछ ऐसा हो ही जाता है,

जो याद तुम्हारी दिला जाता है,

एक बार फिर तुम्हारा मासूम सा चेहरा,

मेरी आँखों के सामने छा जाता है,

...भुला नहीं पाई हूँ तुम्हे!

ऐसा नहीं कि आंखें नम हैं,

बिछड़ने का ग़म भी शायद नहीं,

न वो तड़प, न वो जलन है,

फिर भी मिल जाने की एक आस सी है,

इसी लिए लगता है,

भुला नहीं पाई हूँ तुम्हे!

ठंडे कोहरे से भरी सुबह और रातों में,

याद आती हैं तुम्हारी सांसे,

हर ग़ज़ल के हर शेर से,

याद आती हैं तुम्हारी बातें,

आइने में क्या अपने आप को देखती हूँ!

भुला नहीं पाई हूँ तुम्हे!

शायद तुमने कभी मेरी कद्र नहीं जानी,

शायद मैं तुम्हे कभी समझ नहीं पाई,

तकदीर के आगे बस किसका चलता है!

ये जो दिल है, ये किसी की कब सुनता है!

और मैं तो खुद मन हूँ,

शायद तुम तो भुला ही चुके मुझे ,
लेकिन तब भी भुला नहीं पाई हूँ तुम्हे!

Last words

I am a fool,
a fool hopelessly in love.
So much so that
a re-emphasized break up call
makes me think
that it might be for reuniting
That every move you make,
every word you say against being together,
I understand it in the meaning
you don't intend it to be.
That when I hear your voice
after a long, real long time
my heart beats fast
in anticipation of hearing
something it waited for all this while.
The words that it craved for!
A hope that made it beat
just for this supposed day.

I believed the universe

conspires for making me have what I want.

But as always,

the reality bites!

And so today I promise,

I wont let you know

that I keep any hope; my only aid for a survival.

I wont let you know,

about my longing for you.

For you don't want to see me

and so now will become invisible too.

Yes,

I will even forget you

for your happiness!

...........................!!

Each time I think it can't get worse,
that I've become numb and free from the curse,
But each time you prove me wrong,
and throw me farther... showing me where I belong.

Every time I think it's enough that I've cried,
the wound that run deep has probably dried,
But then with something or the other you keep digging deep
slicing my heart further into a heap.

What have I done to get this from you,

I always tried to do what you wanted me to,

loved you truly with all I had,

Just to have you by my side, I was glad.

Falling apart,
They said I was foolish and this feeling is unreal,
that one day I will realize- my life is surreal.
In a way, some moments of weakness, that did come true,
a couple of times, I did hate myself for loving you!

They said,

Distance makes the heart grow fonder and that time heals all,

Every moment I prayed that into its place, should everything fall,

Out of sight you went but from my side I didn't let go out of touch,

Seems you have moved on from your end, as much?!

Today, 

I am not even part of those five-hundred odd people of your world; those few!

cause from being 'the one' I belong to that list who 'know' you,

Why can't you see, I am still the same girl, you wanted to be with for good,

I would bring back all that magic, if I could.

After doing all this hope you are happy,
As you think someone better is waiting for you, maybe.
But one day, someday, for sure you will realize it,
As for me, it is the end of life as I know it!

The new me...

I belong to storms and thundering rain,
I love myself in intense pain,
I crush the ones on the ground,
I despise empathy, even its sound!
I hate the lesser mortals- humanity,
The moods I have are beyond sanity!
I stand for malicious darkness,
cause that's the way to survive in this world full of fakeness!
I am no more the one I used to be,
Filled with ruthlessness is the way to be!
Now I know exactly what to do..
for that, all thanks to you!

From 'the one'...to being part of the list..

I am trying to find the right feelings to convey,
what could I possibly do to make you stay.
It is so hard to find the right words,
to make my heart be truly heard.

With one decision, I lost all I had
and I don't even have the right to get mad!??
A decision in which I had no say,
For some moments of happiness, a lifetime I have to pay.

I tried to convince, talk, explain and even fight,
But anything I do is just not right!
For you I am not the me you fell in love with,
And that's why you did what you did.

But you are the you, who had swept me off my feet,
genuine, humble, kind and oh so sweet.
In anger we say all we don't mean...
In my shoes, have you never been?!

I apologize for calling you names
I take back all rudeness and the blames
What could I do, I was in pain
needed to catch your attention at any cost, without shame!

I still believe that you are all I need,
all the roads I can imagine, to you all they lead,
I can be the person you would adore,
Try me, just once more?

Days without you

Every single day
I look at your pictures
I go through the memories
The time spent together
Dream about you
I look though my window towards the road
And see you walking down towards me
I wait for your call, a message
I keep searching for a sign
That you miss me as much I miss you
My brain wants to hate you so much
But I am just not able to, heart says no!
I still long for the time when you would come to me
And all would be okay
I know you won't, or maybe...

Trying.. but just can't!

Another day, another night,
I hug my pillow, without you in sight.
Without a drop of sleep in my eyes,
I lie awake, cursing the goodbyes.
My head spins round and round,
and heart aches to listen to your sound.
I wonder where you are and what you do,
are you happy being lonely,
or do you miss me too?!
Was it so difficult to be with me,
that the pain I am going through,
is something that you can't even see!
You miss me too,
but that could be just my make belief,
something I tell my heart to escape the deep grief...

शायद...

जो चाहो वो मिल ही जाये ये ज़रूरी तो नहीं,

हर रात के बाद सुबह फिर आये ये ज़रूरी तो नहीं|

जो दिखता है वो मुकदर है या कि नहीं,

बूंद होंठो पे गिर के प्यास भी बुझा पाए ये ज़रूरी तो नहीं|

चाँद तारे रोज़ निकलते और दिखते भी हैं,

यूँ ही कभी कोई मिले और अपना बन पाए ज़रूरी तो नहीं|

शमा के इलावा भी सुलगते हैं ग़म ज़माने में,

हर सुलगना रौशनी कर जाये ये ज़रूरी तो नहीं|

- मनु