Where are you my true love?

How many more to go

Before I see you

Do you even exist?

I thought I knew a few.

I tried to find you

In many around me

Bumped into a few close

Some even bent on their knee.

How many more times

Do I have to fall

How much more hurt?

Before you make the call.

From tree houses to the palaces

What could I do!

Put in all I had cause

Each time, I thought it was you.

One came as a notorious youth

And was quite innocent

But after few years 

That road got bent.

Then was full of maturity

And dreamy air

Got lost on the way

Ended the passing affair.

When came the crazy

Exuberant, passionate brat

I thought- this is it.

But it wasn't just that.

And now I am lost

Don't want to look no more!

When you are here

Try knock on the door!!

The only difference...

There’s a reason I said I’d be happy alone. It wasn't ‘cause I thought I’d be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It’s easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love and then you don’t have it? 

What if you like it and lean on it? 

What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? 

Can you even survive that kind of pain? 

Losing love is like organ damage. It’s like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever.

~ Meredith Grey, ‘Unaccompanied Minor’

इस रात का कोई सवेरा नहीं

ये जो घना अँधेरा है
वो ढलता क्यों नहीं
जिसको ज़्यादा चाहो
वो ही मिलता क्यों नहीं

ज़िन्दगी तेज़ रफ़्तार से चल कर
फिर आज राहें हैं थमी
मुस्कुराहटो के समंदर भर कर
लो आ गयी आँख में फिर वो नमी

वही मौसम, वो लम्हा है
क्या तेरी कमी तो नही
नहीं- नहीं अब हमें
तेरी जुस्तजू भी नही

बस अब बहुत हुआ
इस मर्ज़ का कोई इलाज ही नहीं
सपनो भरी ज़िन्दगी जी कर
आज, एक बार फिर, मैं वहीँ की वहीँ

मनु

If you lost her- you deserved it!

First love is a learning
And so you risk too less.
But taking things for granted
Always leaves a big mess.

When your world revolves around it
And nothing else you adore.
There is so much as you can give
And have nothing left no more.

Easy come easy go,
And you don't value what you get,
You may forgive for a lifetime
But there are things you won't forget.

There are reasons on your mind
And you think it's okay, you know!
But soon all realize
You reap what you sow.

Now do what you want
And be what you want to be.
Embrace all your coolness
Cause now you are free.

But remember,

There will be a time
When folks will have their ones
And if you are lucky, you'll realize
What you had done!

So, when noblest of things backfire
Even when you put your heart and soul in it.
Let go.. cause if there was no fear of losing
It probably was not worth it!

May you get what you are really looking for. God bless!

He's a Rockstar!!

Long, soft and curly locks
Bright Ts, torn jeans and converse
You can spot him from afar
He's a rockstar!


They trip on his tunes and never tire
As at the console he's always on fire
Doesn't booze but hangs out at the bar
He's a rockstar!


Head bangs on Dubstep and Psy-Rock
At 24*7, after every party he would stop
Mostly rolls in a silver car
He's a rockstar!


Choosy about what he eats
And dances on a double beat
So much wants to learn the guitar
He's a rockstar!


Mention Morrison or Shpogle and he flips
Sometimes on his own tunes does he trips
Believes in raw-sex, love, peace and no war
He's a rockstar!


Complete wild in appearance at the start
But truly genuine at his heart
Would pick up the girl whose hair has a flower
He's a ROCKSTAR!!

आखिर क्यों?

एक दलदल सा है
जितना खींचती हू बाहर,
और धास्ती जाती हू |
काफी हैं लोग नज़र में
फिर भी दिल को तन्हा ही पाती हू |
फिर वर्षा हुई,
तबले की थाप के साथ,
पर मैंने तन्हा ही पाया
अपना हाथ |
तुम वहीँ ग़ुम हो
अकांक्षाओ में अपनी !
और मैं हू बस
पुरानी यादों में दफ्नी |
डर है, गुमान है, गुस्सा है,
शिकवा है, दर्द भी है,
किस से करू बयां
अपने रूह के घाव ये ?!
वो कहता है
एक कदम तो बढाओ आगे
बाक़ी सफ़र मैं तै कर दूंगा |
तकदीर फिर आमने सामने ले आई
पर तुमने फिर कर दिया
हर बार की तरह अनदेखा |

My valentine... you are not well in time dear!

Background Score: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYRgPWTkfpE

Punishment for real luv

"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished." 
~Goethe

All love stories have happy endings but mine...

न आँख में नींद, न मन में चैन
हर रात बस करवट बदलती है,
सुबह उठने की चाह कहाँ
अब मन्नतें रात ही भरती है|

माना झूठ में जीना है फ़िज़ूल
और वो तो खुद को कहा हुआ झूठ है,
पर उस झूठ से कहाँ तक बचना
जिसका ज़िक्र हर साँस करती है|

कल गया, आज आया, कल फिर कल जायेगा
कतरा-कतरा हर पल को जल्दी है,
और ऐसे ही धीरे- धीरे बर्फ, मेरी तरह
अपने ही पानी में खुद ही पिघलती है|

अब न कोई चाह, न मंजिल, न हमसफ़र की तलाश
न ही कोई खुदगर्जी है,
शायद अब मैंने ये बची-खुची ज़िन्दगी भी
उसी के नाम कर दी है!

14022012 without you...

I tried so hard, my dear to show
That you're my every dream
Yet, you're afraid each thing I do
Is just some evil scheme
A memory from your lonesome past
Keeps us so far apart
Why can't I free your doubtful mind
And melt your cold, cold heart

Another love before my time
Made your heart sad and blue
And so my heart is paying now
For things I didn't do
In anger unkind words are said
That make the teardrops start
Why can't I free your doubtful mind
And melt your cold, cold heart

You'll never know how much it hurts
To see you sit and cry
You know you need and want my love
Yet you're afraid to try
Why do you run and hide from life?
To try it just ain't smart
Why can't I free your doubtful mind
And melt your cold, cold heart?

There was a time when I believed
That you belonged to me
But now I know your heart is shackled to a memory
The more I learn to care for you
The more we drift apart
Why can't I free your doubtful mind
And melt your cold, cold heart

55s and Then Some

http://fiftyfivefun.blogspot.com/2012/01/nine-months.html

कुछ सपने दुबारा फिर कभी नहीं दिखते...

बहुत कुछ कहना था
कुछ सवाल भी थे
पर हमेशा की तरह, वक़्त कम था |
घडी भर देखना चाहा
पर नज़रों की उधेड़ बुन लगी रही
और हमेशा की तरह वक़्त कम था |
बहुत कुछ सुनना चाहती थी
कुछ महसूस भी तो करना था
पर कैसे? वक़्त कम था |
एक सदी बाद मिले,
क्या कुछ/कोई बदला था?
शायद तुम? मै?
नहीं! जो बदला था वह "हम" था |
ये सच है,
मैने सबसे ज्यादा तुम्हारी चाहत को चाहा
आज मिलन में वो सच थोडा कम था |
वही तुम, वही मै, कुछ प्यार-सा भी था
बातें भी वही
नहीं था तो शायद वो हमदम था |
हंसी भी थी
पर वो ख़ुशी नहीं
शायद समां ही कुछ नम था |
आज कुछ भी हो
कल क्या होगा
बस यही एक ग़म था |
काश छुपा पाती तुम्हे अपने ही अन्दर
फिर कभी भी कुछ कम न होता | 

क्या करूँ...!

सुना है उन्हे जन्मो के वादे नहीं पसंद,
मै रेत के किले न बनाऊं तो क्या करूँ!

फिर वही मौसम आया है सर्दी का,
मैं ख्वाबे दिल न जलाऊ तो क्या करूँ!

न कोई आहट, न दस्तक, न कोई सुराग है,
यादों से दिल न बहलाऊ तो क्या करूँ!

बीच राह में छोड़ कर उसने मुड़ के भी न देखा,
हर फ़िक्र को धुए में न उडाऊ तो क्या करूँ!

खुश है वो अपने आप में, मेरे बिना,
मैं अपने आंसू न छुपाऊ तो क्या करूँ!

न कोई गुफ्तगू, न एक मुलाकात मुझसे मंज़ूर है,
इस हुक्म को भी सर-आँखों न लगाऊ तो क्या करूँ!

Schizophrenia..

Dear You,

If you’re reading this, then it means I actually worked up the courage to mail it. So, good for me. You don’t know me very well, but if you get me started I have a tendency to go on and on about how hard the writing is for me. But this, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write. There is no easy way to say this so, I’ll just say it. I met someone... It was an accident. I wasn’t looking for it. It wasn’t in the make. It was the perfect storm. She said one thing and I said another. Next thing I knew, I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation.

Now, there’s this feeling in my gut... She might be the one... She’s completely nuts in a way that makes me smile, highly neurotic. A great deal of maintenance required. She is you. That’s the good news. The bad is that I don’t know how to be with you right now, and it scares the shit out of me. Because I have messed up in the past. But if I am not with you right now, I have this feeling that we’ll get lost out there... It’s a big bad world full of twists and turns, and people have a way of blinking and missing the moment; the moment that could have changed everything! I don’t know what’s going on with us, and I can’t tell you why you should trust a leap of faith on the likes of me, but damn you smell good!! Like home... like that hill-top flower. And you make excellent coffee. That’s gotta count for something, right? Call me.

Unfaithfully yours,
You-Know-Who

Déjà vu

Good morning LA! 
In the land of lotus eaters, time plays tricks on you. One day you are dreaming, the next, your dream has become your reality. It was the best of times, if only someone had told me! Mistakes were made, hearts were broken, harsh lessons learnt. He goes on without me. While I drown myself in the sea of pointless recollections. I don't know how I got here. But here I am, rotting away in the warm California Sun. There are things I need to figure out, for their sake at least. The clock is ticking, the gap is widening. They won't always luv me- 'no matter what'.
Later!

If You Forget Me...

I want you to know one thing. You know how this is: if I look at the crystal moon, at the red branch of the slow autumn at my window, if I touch near the fire the impalpable ash or the wrinkled body of the log, everything carries me to you, as if everything that exists, aromas, light, metals, were little boats that sail toward those isles of yours that wait for me. Well, now, if little by little you stop loving me I shall stop loving you little by little. If suddenly you forget me do not look for me, for I shall already have forgotten you. If you think it long and mad, the wind of banners that passes through my life, and you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots, remember that on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms and my roots will set off to seek another land. But if each day, each hour, you feel that you are destined for me with implacable sweetness, if each day a flower climbs up to your lips to seek me, ah my love, ah my own, in me all that fire is repeated, in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten, my love feeds on your love, beloved, and as long as you live it will be in your arms without leaving mine.

Pablo Neruda 

"भुला नहीं पाई हूँ तुम्हे"

हर दिन के शुरू होने पर,

कुछ न कुछ ऐसा हो ही जाता है,

जो याद तुम्हारी दिला जाता है,

एक बार फिर तुम्हारा मासूम सा चेहरा,

मेरी आँखों के सामने छा जाता है,

...भुला नहीं पाई हूँ तुम्हे!

ऐसा नहीं कि आंखें नम हैं,

बिछड़ने का ग़म भी शायद नहीं,

न वो तड़प, न वो जलन है,

फिर भी मिल जाने की एक आस सी है,

इसी लिए लगता है,

भुला नहीं पाई हूँ तुम्हे!

ठंडे कोहरे से भरी सुबह और रातों में,

याद आती हैं तुम्हारी सांसे,

हर ग़ज़ल के हर शेर से,

याद आती हैं तुम्हारी बातें,

आइने में क्या अपने आप को देखती हूँ!

भुला नहीं पाई हूँ तुम्हे!

शायद तुमने कभी मेरी कद्र नहीं जानी,

शायद मैं तुम्हे कभी समझ नहीं पाई,

तकदीर के आगे बस किसका चलता है!

ये जो दिल है, ये किसी की कब सुनता है!

और मैं तो खुद मन हूँ,

शायद तुम तो भुला ही चुके मुझे ,
लेकिन तब भी भुला नहीं पाई हूँ तुम्हे!

Forgiveness

You cannot go around and keep a score. If you keep a score on the good things and the bad things, you'll find out that you're a very miserable person. God gave man the ability to forget, which is one of the greatest attributes you have. Because if you remember everything that's happened to you, you generally remember that which is the most unfortunate!


Today-a quarter ago.

Last words

I am a fool,
a fool hopelessly in love.
So much so that
a re-emphasized break up call
makes me think
that it might be for reuniting
That every move you make,
every word you say against being together,
I understand it in the meaning
you don't intend it to be.
That when I hear your voice
after a long, real long time
my heart beats fast
in anticipation of hearing
something it waited for all this while.
The words that it craved for!
A hope that made it beat
just for this supposed day.

I believed the universe

conspires for making me have what I want.

But as always,

the reality bites!

And so today I promise,

I wont let you know

that I keep any hope; my only aid for a survival.

I wont let you know,

about my longing for you.

For you don't want to see me

and so now will become invisible too.

Yes,

I will even forget you

for your happiness!

The answer..

From the movie: Before Sunrise

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0112471/